Feminine Shame Post 1: De-Spiritualizing Emotions

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Feminine Shame Post 1: De-Spiritualizing Emotions

Before I left for Brazil, I was dealing with unexpected and super untimely car issues. Not really having time for something like this in the days leading up to my departure, I spontaneously and outwardly expressed my frustration over this inconvenience, and a friend of mine who was present interjected with: “Okay, well, we’re all yogis here so let’s relax about it.”⁣

For me, this is a perfect example of how spiritual rhetoric often casts shame or guilt on the feminine. I’m not saying this was an act of feminine shame because he was a man and I am a woman. But, rather, because it was a direct rejection and belittlement of the feminine dimensions of our psyche and human experience. It was a message that having and expressing human emotions is incompatible with being a yogi, meditative, or spiritual. That a spiritual person would be unaffected, or untouched by the circumstance. That the spiritual way (and right way) to respond is with masculine witness consciousness, or detachment. ⁣

This kind of shit kills me when I hear it because it is so subtle, and, although it actually does invalidate and gut people, it usually passes under the radar due to its spiritual disguise. ⁣

So I feel it’s important to say a few things in regards to this topic:⁣

1). Emotions are natural. They are human. And, for that reason, according to Tantra, they are an expression of the divine. They are what enables us to connect with and channel the divine. Even our fierce, edgy, less-esteemed emotions. The best way to rid our emotional experience of shame is to make the shift from personal to transpersonal. To realize that our emotions do not, and will never, say anything ABOUT us, but, rather, say some really important and valuable stuff TO us. ⁣

2). You cannot be vitally alive and available to life — your creative passions, your inner being, your intimate relationships — while you are simultaneously programming yourself to be emotionally detached and unavailable to them. In Tantra, we experience the joy and ecstasy of divine embodiment by awakening THROUGH our senses.👇

Our emotions and the aliveness of our body become our window into the divine reality. If you’re not allowing yourself to be there, how are you going to unguardedly receive life + participate fully?⁣

3). Emotional dexterity is key. In regards to our emotions, we have far more choices than just reaction or detachment. Sometimes being present with yourself means suspending a response, bearing unconditional witness, and giving it space. Sometimes being present with yourself means allowing yourself to go all in with complete catharsis — unrestrained, feeling the fullness your emotions with intensity. But you should not be habituated either way. Our needs are ever-shifting. So it’s⁣ important that we are awake, alive, and responsive to them. Mindfulness is a valuable tool and can become a supportive practice. But I, personally, even as a yoga teacher, do not encourage it to become a habit. There IS wisdom in your first response. There IS wisdom in your natural desires and impulses. But if you engage a formal, regular practice of immediately drawing back into observation and suspending your trust of it — you may lose touch in your intuitive abilities to know what is natural and true for you entirely. ⁣

What I feel is most important to say is this: ⁣

The way we relate to emotions (others, or our own) reveals the health of our relationship to our own inner feminine. How suppressed she is. How expressed she is. How enraged she is. How silenced she is. How safe she is. It’s only when the feminine has been repeatedly ignored, violated, and demeaned that her wrath erupts upon those around her. Similarly, it’s only when we don’t allow ourselves to feel and express fully — when we interrupt our feelings with guilt and shame so they remain only partially felt — that our emotions become toxic and turn on us. ⁣👇


🔻 Do you try to exert control over your emotions, or only allow your emotions to release in controlled or contained ways?⁣⁣
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🔻 Does the presence of other people’s emotions cause you extreme discomfort or aversion? Do you label other people’s strong feelings as “crazy” or “overly-sensitive”?⁣⁣
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🔻 Do you tend to belittle, deny, or reject your emotions as invalid, un-spiritual, or unreal?⁣⁣
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Wanna explore your relationship to your inner feminine a little further? Join me for my upcoming workshop: Embodying Feminine Power: Inner Tantric Yoga for Women at Yoga Fever on Saturday, February 23rd from 1-3pm. Space is limited so be sure to sign up early to reserve your spot!

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Safe Space for Myself

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Safe Space for Myself

Ever since I came back from Brazil, my nervous system has been firing. Which doesn’t come as much of a surprise — considering it happens nearly every time I return from travel. ⁣

At my Tantra course, my teacher Talib helped me to see that I associate this place with trauma. He helped me to see how traveling has become my means of dissociation. When it all becomes too much, I flee to regain my sense of self, and a sense of safety. And, every time I return, I relive the same symptoms of trauma to seemingly more intense degrees.⁣

For whatever reason, I have not felt safe here. Grand Rapids does not feel like a space where I am safe to be myself. Where I am safe to share my voice. Where I am safe to shine my light. It is a place, rather, where I feel socially compelled to parallel an energy of smallness. Of hiding. Of quieting. And holding back. It’s a place where I feel shame for simply being who I am. The woman made up of the experiences I’ve lived. Radical, incredible, heart-wrenching, sometimes tumultuous, experiences that, nonetheless, I feel shame in sharing. I feel shame in imbibing. I feel shame for the edge they give me. I feel shame for having an edge. I feel shame for the fire that burns in me, and even more shame when I express it. I feel shame for how emotional I am. How my emotions drive the way I engage with life. And I feel anger at those who have shamed me for that. Who have tried to pacify me. Who have tried to guilt me. To de-spiritualize me. And change me. Because of my boldness. Because of my opinions. Because of my truth. Because of my sensitivity. And what I channel. My fierceness. My voice. My confidence. My power. My weakness. My beauty. My strength. For all that makes me a woman re-birthing herself in this spiral of the Feminine Rising. But I mostly feel anger for the way that I let them. The way I believed them. The way I shamed myself and contracted into a version of myself I don’t recognize for their comfort. For their acceptance. For their love. And, also, for my own comfort. For my own safety. For social survival. And for the patriarchal poisons that remind me every damn day: It’s not safe to be noticed, Jessica. It’s not safe to be seen. It’s not safe to shine. ⁣

But something that I also experienced in Brazil is that I can create this safety within myself. And last night, my conversation with a dear friend helped me to see that I am safer than I think I am. That I am more supported than my nervous system allows me to see. There are people here who love me. There are people here who value me. There are spaces + communities that are excited to have me share my gifts with them. And there are people with similar fears — if not exactly the same fear. There are people who need me to write this. There are people who need me to write and speak directly from the heart of my raw experience — instead of the hyper-curated, glossy, content-based rhetoric flooded all over Instagram. ⁣

In Brazil, I recovered a part of myself that is deep and vital to me. My innocence. My light-heartedness. My spontaneous laughter. My spontaneous tears. My spontaneous truth. The part of myself that wouldn’t know how to be filtered, or pre-meditated if I tried. And to tell you the real fucking truth, I love this version of me. I love who I am. My fiery energy. My watery nature. My unfiltered truth. My wide-open, overly-sensitive, too emotional heart. And THIS is the beginning of my safety. This is the beginning of YOUR safety. To love yourself fiercely. To expose yourself to yourself. To embrace the fullness of who you are wholeheartedly, ridiculously, endlessly. ⁣

I’m writing all of this as my formal statement that I’m showing up and coming through raw. My life and my life’s work depend on it. I am dedicated to being a channel for the Divine Feminine and her fullness on Planet Earth. Even if that makes me a target. Even if that subjects me to judgment, ridicule, and rejection. I am dedicated to being an active participant in helping Shakti return to rightful balance with the masculine. And neither patriarchal attempts to undermine me, or the fear and self-protection of my own ego, can shake me off my path.⁣ 👇

⁣⁣I’m also sharing this because there are too many people out there sitting on their gifts, thinking they don’t have a “right” to share or guide others because they haven’t mastered whatever it is they are wanting to share with perfection yet. But here’s what I learned (and witnessed) in Brazil: What qualifies you to take the seat of the teacher, facilitator, mentor, or guide — is not a lot of knowledge. Or even a lot of experience. What qualifies you is your willingness and ability to be in direct relationship with your own shame. This is what creates space for others. This is what connects you with others. This is what gives others rest. What truly guides, de-armors, and transforms — is your vulnerability, and willingness to see and be seen. And for that reason, as my teacher said, our traumas are actually perfect — because, if we’re willing, they put us in direct relationship with our power.⁣⁣

I am willing. Are you?⁣⁣

In 2019, I am carving out safe space for the embodied woman. I am carving out safe space for myself. I am carving out space for us to come out of hiding, to come forward to the surface of our skin, and shine our brilliance for all to see. Share a 🙋‍♀️ in the comments if you’re here for it. 👇⁣⁣

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The True Nature of Feminine Power

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The True Nature of Feminine Power

Feminine power is deeply mysterious. It’s entirely unlike any notion of power we’ve been taught. And completely counterintuitive to the masculine paradigm of work, sacrifice, and achievement we have all been conditioned to perform in.⁣

Lifestyles and belief-systems based in asserting, striving, and chasing after things is not only exhausting to the feminine nature — it's a counterproductive misuse of feminine power. ⁣

The feminine is not a hunter. She is a conduit. A channeler. A vessel. And a space-holder. She does not abandon her feminine ground to go out and strive after what she wants. Rather, she refines her clarity, surrenders to the flow, and harmonizes with it’s frequency from the inside out. She creates a beautiful and inviting space to attract all things to her. ⁣

🌔 How much have you invested in the belief that you must strive, struggle, and sacrifice in order to create what you want?⁣

🌗 How would it feel to receive rather than achieve? How would it feel for your creation process to be rooted in ease, allowance, and flow? ⁣

🌔 How could you become an inviting and trusted safe-keeper for everything you want? ⁣

True feminine power (or yin power) is the way of Divine Magnetism — the ability to yield, absorb, and magnetize all things to us. Yin power is the consciousness and ‘beingness’ that allows us to draw into our lives all that we desire.⁣ Initiation into yin power begins with the art of doing nothing — the conscious choice to let go of the need to force, to struggle, and believe that we must make things happen of our own accord. The conscious choice to surrender the limits of our control to the limitless Source that longs to create through us. ⁣

In the Shakti Circle this Friday at Kula Grand Rapids through an exploration of Taoist yin yoga, feminine ritual, and self-care, we'll explore this art of doing nothing and accomplishing everything. Space is limited so pre-registration is highly recommended to reserve your spot.

“Whatever you want in life, it is chasing you. But you are so busy chasing it, it never catches up to you. If you sit still and wait for it, and you do what you have to do to maintain yourself instead of running around chasing it, the thing you want will catch up to you. When it catches up to you, you can join and flow with it. That is the key: the less you do the better — especially with your energy and achieving things. Because there is really no where to go. You are already here and everything will come to you. This is the effortless path of the Tao.” — Mantak Chia⁣

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Tantra and the Yoga of Conscious Relationship

“When love beckons to you, follow him, though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you, yield to him, though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you, believe in him, though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. ⁣

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth, so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, so shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.⁣

But if, in your fear, you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure, then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.⁣”

— Kahlil Gibran⁣

As David Deida says, if you are in a good relationship, the worst, most hellish stuff that you are ever going to face is going to come up.⁣

Do you have tools to navigate it? ⁣

The one tool that all conscious relationship requires is the key ingredient of self-responsibility. ⁣

This not only means taking ownership for your own thoughts and feelings in the context of relationship — but also recognizing that you have a sacred duty to Love itself. It means you don’t allow the way you show up in love to be determined by an unknown outcome. You don’t hold back because the other person might hold back. And you don’t open so the other person will receive you. You open because you want to be a person who is open. You give love despite your fears because you want Love to grow in you beyond your fears. You allow the way you show up in relationship to be a statement of who you are. Not a statement of what you want. Or a statement of what you fear. But the values and love you embody. You stop allowing the other, or their response, to determine whether or not you show up fully and offer your deepest gifts — because it’s not even about them. Every relationship is just a paintbrush that helps you curate the way you want to represent and embody love in this world.⁣

So what’s your artist statement? Caring the least? Being in control? Choosing fear? Avoiding pain? I’m sure none of these feel good to embody, or put on. Nor are they worthy of the wide and radiant glory your resilient heart longs to offer. Any relationship where you remain safely in control is not a conscious relationship. Any relationship where the armor that keeps you safe is not being threatened is not a conscious relationship. To avoid vulnerability, or to avoid the rose’s thorn, is to refuse your sacred duty to the Divine Love that longs to come alive through you, and reveal to you, in time, your softest, most authentic, unguarded light.⁣

Relationship is the highest yoga. It is some of the most sacred, and most difficult, terrain we can walk in this human life. But we can learn to enter it with totality — bringing the whole of ourselves forward; holding nothing back.⁣

Tantra is the path of totality. It’s not really so much a practice of sexual rituals as it is a lifestyle; an outlook; a way of walking this earth. It’s a willingness to be deeply intimate with every facet of existence. In Tantra, all existence, all experience, is sacred ground. Nothing is rejected. There is no separate spiritual realm; and there is no separate spiritual practice. Everyday, deeply human experiences become the threshold to enter the divine reality. Every part of you is wholly invited. Every part of you is wholly accepted. Every part of you is wholly celebrated.⁣

Now can you imagine a love like that? ⁣

This may sound like superhuman work. And, truly, it is — because you are. You are a powerful conduit of the divine. The sacred ground of relationship on the path of Tantra is not a meeting to two egos, or finite personalities, but, rather, the meeting of god and goddess. Shiva and Shakti. The all-pervading light of awareness entering ecstatic union with the animating life-force of all things.⁣⁣
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Tantra translates to “stretch beyond limits.” Tantra acknowledges that we all have conditions and limitations — and provides a way to allow Shakti (the life-force energy that resides within us) to expand beyond these limitations. We all have fears, intimacy blocks, and wounds that we bring to the cauldron of human relationship. Tantra invites us to lovingly hold, investigate, and honor these wounds so we can alchemize them into a deeper expression of divine love.⁣⁣

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The Power of Your Darkness

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The Power of Your Darkness

Did you know that a black hole holds an octave of intelligence beyond even that of a star?⁣⁣
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The word alchemy is rooted in the Egyptian word khem, meaning black or dark womb. Nearly all spiritual traditions hold that our birthright of brilliance, creativity, and light is directly sourced from this mysterious concentrated potential of the dark void — otherwise known as womb consciousness. ⁣⁣
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Our ability to radiate from a true source of power is dependent on our willingness to be in conscious relationship with this darkness. When we bypass the dark to always “lean towards the light” we not only cut ourselves off from our origin and power, but we reject the rich reservoirs of dark feminine wisdom that the entire patriarchy was built to oppress and deny us access to.⁣⁣
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We are living in the age of Kali Yuga — we are collectively well beyond adulthood. And aren’t we tired yet? Of being polite? Of living to impress others? And trying so hard to be acceptable?⁣⁣ Aren’t we tired yet of shutting down our senses? Withholding our true feelings? Secretly living in shame? Or allowing a sense of powerlessness determine our relationships?⁣⁣
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Are we tired yet of being perpetually angry at men? Or, worse, hiding our anger from men?⁣⁣
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Are we tired yet of attempting mind-body harmony alongside ignorant dismissal of our sexuality and erotic intelligence — the primal root of our divinity, and the very secret to both embodiment and transcendence? ⁣⁣
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Are we not yet exhausted by the incredible amount of energy it takes to keep our luminous power locked down?⁣⁣
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More importantly — do we dare? Dare we claim our inheritance of luminosity? Our birthright of brilliance? Do we dare breathe it, embody it, and express it as our very own? ⁣⁣
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Something wild within us has been living in captivity — tamed, domesticated, neutered. It’s time to free ourselves from the conditioning. It’s time to allow the dark mother to draw near and reclaim the wilds of our hearts, the depths of our shadows, and the innocence of our wombs. It’s time to yoke love to creative power once again, and let our deepest feminine gifts rebirth the world. ⁣

If women were committed to themselves with the same devotion that stars bring to their own activation of power, this world would undoubtedly enter a NEW ERA. ⁣Are you here for it?

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Your Sexual Energy is Your Soul Signature

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Your Sexual Energy is Your Soul Signature

I am teaching a Tantric Meditation workshop this Saturday and the primary experience I want impart is this:

The way in which you express and embody your sexual energy — not only within your relationships and sexual intimacy, but also your creative work, your conversations, the way that you move, the way that you pick up objects, the way that you grocery shop, the way that you fold laundry — is your personal artistry in this world. Your sexual energy is an art. And every single one of you have an erotic fingerprint that is unique to you.

You discover your erotic fingerprint once you’ve done the work to explore for yourself and deeply know, in a truly embodied sense, what conditions are needed for you to wholly surrender to your pleasure and shamelessly shine it forth into the world. Your sexual energy is what radiates from you. It’s the magnet that gives shape to the life you see around you. And it’s your creative signature that enables you to bring your deepest gifts to life.

Expressing your sexual energy has little to do with looking sexy, and everything to do with being willing to take risks to unveil who you really are. If you find yourself sitting in a life that doesn’t seem to represent or express the truth of who you are — ask yourself how much you are hiding. Ask yourself how much are you holding back. Ask yourself how much energy you’re expending on keeping your luminous power on lockdown. And most importantly, ask yourself if you’re willing to surrender all that you’ve held captive so your gifts can be given most artfully to the world.

Your sexuality does not belong to your husband. It does not belong to your boyfriend, or girlfriend. Nor does it belong to a sick society that seeks to profit from your sexual shame. Rather, your sexuality is the invisible thread that weaves all of your existence together. It’s your desire to be alive. Your most tender expression of love. Your unbound capacity for pleasure. And your unending source of creative power. 

Most importantly, it’s entirely yours. And yours to shine forth through your life. Take artistic license. Join me for Tantric Meditation at Kula Grand Rapids this Saturday, August 11th from 1:30-3:30pm. Do pre-register to reserve your spot. 

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Loving Shiva

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Loving Shiva

Two and a half years ago, I went to Varanasi for Shivaratri — the celebration of Lord Shiva’s birthday. Varanasi is considered one of Shiva’s cities, and one of the oldest cities in the world. It is one of the holiest pilgrimages, and it is the final pilgrimage. It is where devout Hindus go to die. To die and have your body burned on the ghats of the Ganga is said to liberate you from the endless cycle of life and death. ⁣⁣
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My time in Varanasi was some of my hardest time in India. It was the time of my deepest grief — the integration of one of my greatest losses; and the releasing of my greatest love. I was enduring both profound heartbreak and the feeling of profound aloneness — having been traveling for 9 consecutive months at this point. ⁣⁣
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One evening, two of my dance friends from Rajasthan and I took one of the boats out on the Ganga and performed a puja of lighting 108 flower offerings onto the river. We spoke the mantra, Aim Hrim Shrim Swaha, into our hearts as we released each offering into Mother Ganga.⁣⁣
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I held in my heart the longing for Shiva. The longing for Devi to lead me to my Shiva. I offered my love for this man who wouldn’t (or couldn’t) fully claim my heart, as a sacrifice for Devi to transmute into a love that is truly anchored. A love that is fully present. A love that cannot be spooked, overwhelmed, afraid, or scared off. ⁣⁣
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Essentially, I was asking for a love that exists beyond the fluctuations of the mind.⁣⁣
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I didn’t know what I was asking for. I didn’t know what I was in for — the excruciating journey of having all my fears and patterns of un-love starved out by a Love that won’t play on that paradigm. A Love that won’t entertain, or acquiesce to my stories of unworthiness. Or incessant fears of abandonment. A Love that insists I rise to meet it — instead of being locked in a pattern of continuously pacifying the same old wounds.⁣⁣
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Shiva is the destroyer. He will destroy all the barriers you put up to protect yourself from a Love that is truly Real. And he will do so by simply remaining who he is. You can flail about trying to earn love, deny love, or living in resistance to the love you profess to want. But he remains — unperturbable, totally loving, fully present, and all-pervading. ⁣

Yesterday, I greeted the other side of the Ganga, on the banks of holy Rishikesh — another town of Shiva — with my beloved. A man who, steadfast in his love, guides me daily from the unreal to the Real. A young Indian girl came up to us and asked if we wanted to do puja. She made me a flower offering with camphor and incense — just like in Varanasi. I lit it and offered it in gratitude to Shiva’s wife, Ma Ganga, for answering my prayers. ⁣

Aim Hrim Shrim Swaha. ❤️📿⁣

And gratitude to beloved India — the land of true alchemy — for taking hold of my life.⁣

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Take Your Pleasure Seriously

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Take Your Pleasure Seriously

Here’s my number one suggestion for experiencing more pleasure in your life: 👇⁣

Slow the fuck down. 😘⁣

Seriously. Everything gets better when you slow it down. Slow yoga? 👍 Slow romance? 👍 Slow sex? 👍 Slow jamz? 😏 Slow food. Slow mornings. Slow walks in nature — whatever it is, I promise you that you’ll enjoy it more if you savor it and take your time.⁣

Pleasure-seeking is deeply intwined with the healing journey. Pleasure is essential to turn-on the relaxation response in the body, as well as essential in experiencing whole-life turn on! Cultivating calmer experiences of sensuality, affection, pleasure, and play not only keeps your erotic vital-energy alive and healthy, but enables your sexuality to feel like a consistently present, integrated, and deeply alive part of who you are that infuses your whole existence — rather than something that just sizzles and burns every so often for a few hot passing moments.⁣

These days I move more sloth-like and sphinx-like, and prioritize play and pleasure above productivity. And I don’t carry shame about it. I’m simply no longer willing to destroy my sense of well-being just to get something done. ⁣

And non-doing is an essential component to my creative process. I literally wouldn’t have anything to write about — or teach for that matter — if I didn’t spend a few months a year wandering and indulging my curiosities in foreign places. Or just making intentional space for curiosity, exploration, and pleasure-seeking in general.⁣

I know #hustle and being busy and somewhat neurotic is in, but, seriously, you don’t need to run 🏃‍♀️ towards your goals. You don’t need to get all stressed and anxiety-ridden and depleted to get there. You just need to stay the course and move at a pace that actually enables you to enjoy the journey. After all, it’s way more effective to embody what you want than it is to run after it.⁣

So, if you’re to open the law of attraction at all (even a little), remember this: ✨You want what you want because you think you’ll feel good when you get there. But the only way to feel good when you get there is to feel good on your way there. ✨⁣

Is feeling good a priority in your life? If not, are you ready to reclaim it? How can you feel really fucking good today? How can you take a few items off your to-do list and make them more relaxed and playful — even enjoyable? What can you do today to take your pleasure seriously? 

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Regard Yourself as Whole and You Will Be

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Regard Yourself as Whole and You Will Be

If you want to feel whole, you have to regard yourself as whole.⁣

Spirituality often causes disembodiment. Not only due to it’s usual bias toward transcendence, but also because it seeks to divide the self into a sum of binaries, polarities, and parts. Higher and lower. Yin and yang. Real and unreal. Good and bad. Sexual and non-sexual. The self is regarded as a conglomerate of chakras, meridians, and elements organized into linear gradation and ascension — and then attributed with spiritual and unspiritual meaning.⁣

But what if it’s not true? What if there is no lower self? Or higher self? What if there is just you? Just one self that you have to deal with. One galaxy functioning on the same level of existence. One self that you cannot divide, compartmentalize, or exclude. Just an infinite level field that reaches out and touches life in all directions.⁣

And what if — this whole time — your heartbreak never spoke of brokenness? Your pain nothing of woundedness? Your mistakes nothing of failure? And your anger nothing of sin? ⁣

What if your sexual desires spoke nothing of shame? And your traumas weren’t something you had to fix, unlearn, or overcome? What if they’re just there? What if you’re just here?⁣

What would that be like? To know that every bit of yourself matters? That every bit of yourself counts? That every bit of yourself is yourself. Valued. Loved. Of eternal value. That all that you are is sacred and sexual; lovable, and accepted as a whole? ⁣

Isn’t that ultimately what we’re all wanting beneath our attempts to purify, prove, and improve? Beneath our attempts to ascend, and rise, and jump through hoops for love and approval? Beneath our tendencies to reject, close down, and run away? The desire for someone to see us the way we hope we are? The way, deep down, we must somehow suspect we are: Someone who’s okay. Someone who’s enough. Someone who’s enough right now.⁣

How could you offer that to yourself? ⁣

How could you offer that to someone else?⁣

How could you trust that you’re whole right now?⁣

And as whole as you ever will be?⁣

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Savor Your Sensuality

The tried and true way to wholly surrender to your pleasure is to realize that no one gives it to you.⁣⁣ I feel more sexually vital right now than I ever have before and it’s happening at a time when I’m not currently sexually active. ⁣⁣
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How is that possible?⁣⁣
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Because it’s the first season of my life that I’ve taken true ownership of my own pleasure. My own whole life turn-on. And the reason it’s been so powerful is because those things weren’t ever sourced outside of me to begin with — I just only recently realized it! This alone has empowered my relationships, deepened my sensuality, and enabled me to make life-giving choices that are aligned with the health of my mind-heart-yoni. ⁣⁣
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I realized that I can exchange sexual energy with men without ever touching them. And because of that I now enjoy a consistent presence of strong admirable men who are in my life for genuine reasons — which turns out is way more fulfilling than getting lost in toxic cycles of pleasing, performing, and projecting.⁣⁣
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I also learned to savor the pleasure available in longing itself — the delicious suspense that awakens when we embody a desire that’s unfulfilled. More often than not, the capacity of pleasure available to us in yearning is far greater than the pleasure available to us in satiation. Desire is the divine spark that drives all of life! Stop trying to end it through denial or indulgence, and let that good shit run through your body!⚡️💆‍♀️🌪
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Fulfillment and satisfaction are mostly superstitions anyhow. Every bit of bliss you experience is just a taste or glimpse to enthrall you deeper into a pleasure that is infinite. A pleasure that no one else can give you. A pleasure that is your origin.⁣⁣
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So how will you lean into your longings today?⁣ Share with me in the comments below. 👇✨⁣

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The Spiritual Practice of Self-Pleasure

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The Spiritual Practice of Self-Pleasure

Some thoughts on sadhana and the art of self-pleasuring. 🧘‍♀️🌺 ✨

As Ayurveda says, everything in creation can be either poison or medicine. The same sequence of poses that supported you at one point in time can be detrimental to your health in a different time and space.

Unfortunately, we don’t have the luxury to pay someone for a recipe or formula and then just zone out after we’ve found a few cool tricks and moves that work for us. No, we actually have to remain awake. We have to learn to cook for ourselves. We have to regard our sadhana (and our well-being) like it’s actually alive — ebbing and flowing, forever-changing, and responding to growth, environment, and intention.

For me, I’ve realized I can no longer begin any practice with prana or tejas. If I just start rolling through asanas and pranayamas, I will be worse off than when I started — it feels dry and arbitrary, like it’s just overriding my experience instead of actually connecting to it. Nowadays, my practice needs to start with ojas, or some form of self-pleasuring, for me to really relax and drop into the experience.

When I say self-pleasuring I am speaking with the broadest terms of what that means — but I am also speaking inclusively to direct contact with the genitals if that’s where it leads you. Essentially, we are wanting to curate a sense of full body arousal — as arousal is a direct link and expression of our pranic vitality.

I’m not just talking about sexual libido here — I’m talking about whole life libido! Your arousal, like your sexuality, is not a means to an end; nor is it something that exists solely for the purpose of sex or somebody else. Your sensations of pleasure and arousal are for you to own, embody, and enjoy for yourself. I believe a well-curated yoga sadhana will leave one turned on to the whole of life.

Becoming intimate with the source of our pleasure, and standing sovereign in both the embodiment and expression of it, is so so freaking important for our vitality — especially for those of us seeking to reclaim our practices in light of our feminine energy and/or female bodies.

So how does one self-pleasure in yoga sadhana?

Well, only you can answer that question; as only you know what turns you on! But here’s a good precept to start with:

Do only that which enlivens you. Figure out what really pleasures you. Play. Explore. Experiment. Move, breathe, and express in ways that are deeply sensual and life-giving.

And if you really get stuck, look to your preferences in the bedroom and start there! Perhaps you like to begin slowly. Perhaps you like to sway with your spine. Perhaps you like to keep your eyes open. Perhaps you are very responsive to breath and sound. You’ll likely find that your true preferences in sex (before they’re potentially compromised by another person’s preferences) are very similar to your preferences in yoga.

🤔 Hm, I wonder why? 😂😂😂

But try it! Do something that puts you in a languorous mood you can build on. Maybe it’s self-massage. Maybe it’s chanting sounds and placing them into different parts of your body. Maybe it’s open-mouth breathing. Maybe it’s tasting a piece of chocolate and then letting the local pleasure spread into a full-body resonance. Try something that works for YOU.

Is anyone feeling me on this? Let me know in the comments! 🤝👇

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Living From Your Immeasurable Value

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Living From Your Immeasurable Value

No more tolerating.
No more suspending your worth.
No more average meals.
No more decent guys.
No more less-than-glorious touch.
No more cheap wine.
No more dull conversations.
No more talking around your true feelings.
No more clothes that don’t feel amazing. 
No more sex that doesn’t worship you.
No more jobs that leave you dead inside.
No more “maybe they’ll change.”
No more “it’ll do for now.”

Yes. Be a diva. Please be a diva of your own life. You should be a diva about how your body is touched. You should be a diva about the relationships you enter. About the food you ingest. The words that you listen to. The thoughts that you think. You are curating the quality of vibration you choose to stand in with every choice you make. Do not sit on the back-burner and pacify your right to take up space and make yourself known.

I’m serious. If they made your coffee wrong, ask them to correct it. If your meal doesn’t taste fresh or made with love, don’t it eat. If somebody interprets what you’ve said wrong, clarify it. If you don’t love how you’re being touched, say something. If someone isn’t giving you their full attention, stop talking. If universe sends you someone who can only offer 9 of 10 needs you require to thrive in a relationship, (lovingly) send them back. Show up to the details of your life and stop letting what you don’t want slip in the cracks. No need to reprimand others — just kindly reiterate and make yourself clear.

You were given an unlimited source of power and pleasure for a reason. Why suppress it? Why dull the senses and keep it at bay by saying this is good enough? Trust your longings. Implement your discernment. Go to the very edge of your perceived worthiness in this world and stretch it even further. Let those who say you’re being too picky take a look at their own lives.

Living from the truth of your divinity has nothing to do with thinking you’re better than or superior to others. Every person has this birthright — and each person has their own responsibility to live by it.

If you’ve somehow forgotten, let me remind you: You are a temple. And the temple has sacred standards that are honored and observed.

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